Season 4 - complete transscripts of the eps
(transcription by Ramona Deininger ( http://www.crowwings.com) - spring 2004)

This is not meant to be any violation of courtesy or copyrights. The texts are still Salter Street Films / Paul Donovans / Lexx Gigeroffs - but the transscripts were my effort and work. Please keep that in mind when quoting or posting them!

4.05 Xevivor

A commercial: a Caribbean island at sunset, palm trees, beach ... in big letters: "a tropical island paradise" - the beach and a few really well built male bodies: "ten virile studs" - a censored ass.
"One rock-dead gorgeous babe" - A woman with bikini on the beach, face not shown, perfect body: "and a single night of jungle love ..."
Boxing male bodies ... running across the beach. Aggressive war music:
"night of love" in letters. Fighting men in the sea waves. A lot of combating and competition. - "Lost at survival colide..." - and all between the cuts to the woman's body - "night of love" in letters.
"This releases thickly hormones. - May the best man win!"
End of Commercial!

In the conference room this commercial video is shown to a group of businessmen around a table.
A man looking like Schlemmi/Fify turns off the TV, towards the businessmen: "Any questions? I should have brought out the rubber pants."
On the top of the table a man without a suit - a naked torso - gets a massage from a blond woman, the boss: "It's stinks ... like gold."
Fify is released: "Oh, haha the stink we love."
He sits down, relaxed.
Oliver: "Great concept, Farley, who's going to play the girl?"
Fify/Farley: "Only the most gordegeous babe on the planet: Xev Bellringer!
Oliver: "The honey from prison who ruled the internet, perfect."
Farley: "Done, I know it, the sugar's hot, sausages of half of the men on this planet bursting their Levis'. I wonna name the show after her. Get this."
Farley gets a blue cap from his assistants with the logo: "Xevivor" on it. He puts it on his head: "Xevivor."
Oliver: "Love it. Love it, Bundles! Not that it is any resemblance to that 'other' show ...."
All laugh at command. One business suit whispers to Oliver.
Oliver: "Problem, Farley. Roger here tells me, every network around has been trying to hire this Xev creature. No one can track her down, nor seems to know, where she lives. She disappeared. You know something that we don't?"
Fawley: "Well, I couldn't reach her either. I checked it out. A little while back I got a call from an agent out of the blue. Some dude named Prince. We were working a deal, - we get close, really close. - As a matter of fact I've got him on the line right now."
And Farley uses the conference phone, on speakers: "Prince, you are still there with your gun?"

Prince in his ATF headquarter office: "Sure I am, chief, how is our itch?"

Farley: "It's scratched."
Prince: "Mojo?"
Farley: "Working."
Prince: "Whole lot of shaking?"
Farley: "Big-time bacon."
Prince: "Easy peasy."
Farley: "Japanese-e."
Prince: "Right just, lick it up."

And Farley mutes the line.
Farley: "He says, money is not the issue. Pure long explosure is. He wants to make sure Xev is working for the network for a long time."
Oliver: "Of course, done. As long as you can have her on location yesterday."
Farley opens the line again.
Farley: "Prince, you make the gravy, we slaughter the ham."
Prince: "I like mine from the butt, meat from the sweet spot."
Farley: "Fine dining."
Prince: "If you like pork."
Farley: (whispering) "She is in. - (loud) Hey Prince, pleasure been done business with you."
Prince: "Yo, mama."

Prince in his office: "That went well."
He switches on his big wall screen again, 790 appears on it.
790: "It did. It did indeed."
Prince: "It is pleasure doing business for you, robot head."
790: "Yo, mama."
Prince grins. He switches off the screen.

Trailer.

Oliver: "You are a genius, Farley. Xevivor's got 'monster hit' written all over it. Tell me, why this Sigue-Sigue Island?"
He pats Farley's, now intimidately sitting close by.
Farley: "I have never even heard of it, but no matter what questions I put to the computer, it always led to Sigue-Sigue. Must be the best place."
Oliver nods. Both grining.

790 on the bridge: "Robot revenge is arrived, right on schedule."
Outside the Lexx a swarm of hundreds of carrots passing the Lexx and moving toward the sun and the Earth. They enter the atmosphere, heading to a triangular island.

Xev is taking a shower: "How many men, he said?"
790: "10. Selected from the finest specimens Earth has to offer. Millions watch. They compete against each other in a series of contests. And the eventual winner claims a steamy night of love with the grand prize. You. Sexy, saucy scintillating YOU."
Xev: "And millions will watch the winner and I fulfill this night of love?"
790: "Most certainly."
Xev: "Mh, ... that's okay. I'll like it! Hehehhe."
She's feeling very well and exhited under her shower, looking forward and shakes herself  a little.

Stan in the galley trying to get his dinner. He looks down to the floor.
Stan: "How many men?"
790: "9. Besides yourself. 
Stan: "And the winner gets to rock the love night with Xev, ha?
790: "That's right."
Stan: "Ah, nonono, it's ridiculous, I mean, how am I ever get picked for the show?"
790: "It's already been arranged. One of the spots is been reserved for wild-card contestant chosen from a computer lottery. I can guarantee, you'll get that position."
Stan: "Yeah, but what chance do I have once I get down there? I mean, I am a men's man, no mistake about that. But these other guys, I mean, they sound like they have been training for contests like this all their lives. What chance do I have to win against that kind of competition?"
790: "Leave that to me, Stanley. I promise, the win is all over yours, you'll be all over Xev."
Stan: "Why are you all doing this? And what is in this for you?"
790: "I'm just trying to give everybody what they want. If you are off somewhere, rubbing yourself against Xev, then I get to be alone with the dead and delicious one and hopefully rubb against him."
Stan: "Oh, for the last time. Kai is all yours. Xev can't have him, I don't want him. What's the issue?"
790: "Those not in love will never understand those who are. - Now, what do you say, Tweedle? You and Xev naked under a tropical sun, with the entire planet environing your sexual powers. No doubt leading to all kinds of offers from all sort of sensational Earth' females. Is that a deal?"
Stan: "Yeah, deal!"
790 grins brightly.

At the heights of the Mars' orbit the Lexx turns around and heads back to Earth.
And the moth is leaving the Lexx behind the moon, heading down to the planet.
Xev: "Kai, will you please check in on the show from time to time?"
Kai on the bridge: "Why?"
Xev: "I want to make sure everything is okay."
790 on the bridge at Kai's feet: "She'll be just fine."
Xev: "Would you do that for me?"
Kai: "Yes."
Stan is approaching from behind: "I believe 790, nothing is gonna happen. And, ah, it's going to be an experience to treasure."
Kai: "Going somewhere, Stanley?"
Stan passing Kai and leaving him behind: "Yeah. Down to Earth, why?"
Kai suspicious now: "I thought you wish, never to visit there again."
Stan: "Well, yeah, but Xev's going down there, ah. - Look, I just changed my mind, okay? Something the living do, you've got a problem with that?"
Kai: "The dead do not have problems."
Stan: "Uh, I can't agree with you there."
790: "Hurry along then, security guard. And good riddens."
Stan: "Yeah. Well, you two have fun while I'm gone."
Stan waves of them, grins proudly and leaves...
790 shyly to Kai: "I will if you will."
Kai looks down and deeply thinks about something.

The second moth leaves the Lexx with a smiling Stan on board. It is heading toward an triangular island right in the middle of the Atlantic. Far away from any continental land masses.

Farley on a sandy beach in a Hawaii T-shirt talking into his cell phone, surrounded by stakes and other stuff and equipment for the show.
Farley: "You listen to me, Dr. Not-at-all-helpful! - You've been the fifth rank I have been through this many months. You always blow all the same questions."
Farley: "I don't want any more questions, I want answers."
At the background his assistants is approaching him: "Farley?"
Farley: "I want this sickness just to stop, okay?"
Assistant in a white outfit: "Farley?"
Farley: "I'll call you."
Farley turns his cell phone off.

Farley angry to his assistant: "Where have you been? Listen to me, these are writers pains for me, there is no way in hell how I am saying this: 'We assemble some of the most handsomest, most desirable, most bold delicious men on the planet, and we brought them here.' - Oh, come on, Parole, makes me sound like some homo ... A guy talks about men like that, is a guy who wants to crawl all over them. And I'm not that guy.Those guys give me the creeps, you understand? Now get it rewritten!"
He throws the papers over his assistant, and furiously walks away along the beach.
Farley: "Never mind, I'll bring it!"
The woman gathers all the papers from the sand.

Satellite saucer. Starting the transmission.
Coordinator: "7. Six. Five. Four. Three."
Inside the transmission tent.
Coordinator: "Two, one, okay. and live."
Transmitting Farley on the beach: "Hello, and welcome viewers from around the globe. This is a live telecast. I am Farley Cuckal on Sigue-Sigue island - and you are watching Xevivor."
The camera teams surrounding him, beautiful blue sea and waves in the background.
Farley: "The most exciting television event of all time. - We've got them, some of the honkiest, hottest, cutton buff beefcakes you ever laid eyes on. These studs are to die for!
Farley stops himself. Confused: ... they are here for one unforgettable night of love with the most succulent female in the universe. Don't take my word for it. See for yourselves. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the island goddess: XEV!"
Farley moved to some cabins on the beach and now Xev comes from inside one of them, down the stairs: the Xevivor-logo and then Xev in person, doing some kind of dance and show.
Xev: "Hi. Hi. Hi - hello."
Waving and kissing to the cameras.
Farley pointing to the sea: "And her sweatty suiters."
Nine muscle men emerge from the waves. Strong men, muscles, combat proofed: Willy, Hank, Nelson, ...
Xev waves of them: "Hi!"
She steps down beside Farley: "You. Hey, you. I know you."
Farley: "Yeah, maybe from another life."
Xev taking a closer look: "No, in fact two other lives. You were evil and died in both of them."
Farley: "Yeah, yeah, that's right. I think I died in a previous life - on another network."
Farley grins into the cameras.

The men approaching from the beach waves. Yelling, yolling. They surround the dancing Xev up the stairs of the cabin.
Farley: "When we come back, we gonna pickup our wild card contestant. After all, shouldn't an ordinary Joe get to dream the cream dream, too?"
790 watching TV: "Yeah!"
Farley: "Our six finalists are right over there. So stick around!"
He points to six covered in red sacks men. No. 4 is our Stanley H. Tweedle!
In letters shown an the screen: "Coming up... Wild Card makes the cut!"
The muscle men still surrounding and yelling at Xev.
Stan: "Uh, this better works, 790. Oh."

After a commercial-break, the logo: "beefcake & honey: Xevivor"
Xev dancing for the men on the beach, they are yelling at her.

Kai approaches 790, watching the show, on the bridge of the Lexx.
Kai: "Stanley is on the island with Xev."
Kai kneels down in front of 790: "Was this something you arranged?"
790: "Yes. I am going to help him with the 'night of love' with her."
Kai: "That will make Stan happy, and Xev unhappy."
790: "I am a bad head. Spank me!"

The signal from the show gets disturbed by a transmission from Dr. Longbore's headquarter. The science girl Tina: "Hello? Spaceship Lexx ... hello, is anyone there? Is Kai there? Hello?"
790: "No one is here! - I'll get rid of her!"
Kai gets up and takes a look at the signal on the screen.
Kai: "Do not do that."
790: "But this is our 'together time'."
Kai answering Tina's transmission: "I am here."
A happy grining Tina with strong Texanian accent: "Hi. Dr. Longbore asks me to contact you. And I said: contacting you is okay about me. He has found some more material, that relates to the Divine Order symbol and the things you seem interested in. And he wanted to know, if you like to return to our planet examining it. Do you want to examine it?"
Kai: "I would."
790: "No, Kai!"
Tina: "Great! - When you arrive I'll show it to you, yeah, I'll show you everything! Will you come?"
Kai: "I wish to come."
Occurs the girl is very happy about that: "Me too!"
790: "I am going to virtually vomit!"
Kai: "But I must remain here to monitor the television program, on which Xev is appearing."
Tina: "Oh, you can do that here. You can do anything here."
Kai: "Then I will come."
790: "Kai, don't do it. Stay with me and be my cuddle corpse. It is obvious, she's a condiving bi-spectical tramp."
Kai: "You'll keep watch till I return."
Kai turns around.
790 yells: "Don't leave me!"
But Kai does.

The third moth is passing the tunnels inside the Lexx and the airlock and leaving the Lexx behind.
790 on the bridge: "There is only one thing to do when the deceased break your heart."

Farley is doing the lottery thing now. Spinning a wheel with balls with digits on them.
Farley: "And now here we go for Mr. Wild Card."

790 grins: "And that is to make others pay."

No. 6 comes out of the lottery wheel.
Farley: "Number ...."
790 intervenes: "Don't think so."
Farley surprised, the wheel turning on its own, controlled by 790.
Farley: "Nuuuuumbeeeeeer ..."
The No. 4 enters the net.
Farley: "4. - Get him out here."
His assistants is running to No. 4 in the red sack. And opens it.
Stan: "Four? That is me! That's me, that's me, that's me! I am the winner!"
And the sack opens up to: security guard fourth class!
Stan: "I am the winner."
Xev in the middle of her adoring men - astonished: "Stan?"
Stanley happily grinning: "Hahaha, I am the winner!"
Xev: "No way!"
Stanley running towards her and the group of men: "I am the winner. I am the winner! I am the winner!"
He sinks to his knees into the sand and Farley is watching him.
Stan getting up again (mocking the other Wild Cards still in their sacks): "Hahaha, nananana!"
Stan waving Xev: "Hi sexy, hi guys!"
Xev: "No way!"
Farley: "Congratulations! - What's your name?"
Stan: "Stanley Tweedle!" - But he stops dead when recognizing Fify/Schlemmi in Farley.
Stan retreats from Farley: "I know you. Schlemmi. Fify! You're evil!"
Farley: "Must he has been sucking on the same bones."
Stan runs toward Xev and her lovers.
Xev: "I want you out of here right now!"
Stan: "Me? You should worry about him. - Look, Xev, it was just the luck in the drum. What can you do?"
Xev: "Crush your neck with my bare hands, if I have to."
She grins nicely - not towards Stan in the camera - Xev only fakes it. It's a show after all. She is faking being really good buddy with Stan in front of the camera.
Stan: "That wouldn't be very island goddess-like, Xev. And besides this whole world is watching."
Farley: "A full five hours of our broadcast day is dedicated to bring you all the action of Xevivor. Live. Because we know, you - just like those men - want it all right now."

In between: one of the carrots on legs approaches from a hidden place underneath some palm trees, and watches the group of men on the beach.
Meanwhile Xev and her stylists in one of the cabins, she is wearing a bright blue new outfit of leather and feathers. They are doing her hair as well, removing all the red strains into pure blondes.
Stylists one: "Do you mind, do you? The wardrobe must be just so that Xevivor's gonna to get and keep good ratings."
Stylists two: "That shows, how little you know, Taylor. The secret of ratings is beautiful hair."
Taylor: "You're an idiot, Barber. The saying is: dress for success, not brush for it. Great clothes, great rating. Period."
Xev is fighting with her top, with little puffy arm covers.
Barber mocks: "Then we should get someone in here, who can make great clothes. Not the ratings killing out your design."
Xev: "Quiet both of you! Farley - (sitting on a chair watching her getting dressed) - I don't care about any wild card contestant. Stanley Tweedle should not be here."
Farley: "Well, I don't know how he wrangled his way into the gig, but what's done is done, Lady."
Xev: "But he is wracking everything."
Farley: "Don't worry about it. Let's ... I mean, his chances of wracking your song combo-love night are precisely zero. - Look who he is up against: titans. Just real adonis', fine human slaps of rippled men's flesh."
Farley is getting up and excited: "Pumping out their punching testosterone musc, causing a deep and powerful thirst, a thirst that can only be quenched, when a pair of sworry, hairy arms takes you into their powerful grasps ... and..."
Finally recognizes that he is watched by three people, two of them gay. He's embarrassed.
Farley to Xev: "Ah, you look great! - Really fetching."
And he walks out. The stylists get some amused expressions on their faces.
Barber: "'Fetching', appropriate word, since you dressed her like a pudel."
Taylor: "You know, if this show would run on hair disaster channel, ratings will be through the roof."
Xev finally gets hot and removes some of the blue arm covers again.

Day one. On the show: Xev with her blue outfit holding a nest of little birdies.
Farley: "This is a rare sigue-sigue chicken, one of the last of its kind. This creature is going to sail over the islands, until we blow one of the balloons by remote, causing it to come down. Whoever finds it first and lays it at Xev's feet, wins the day. - Xev, let it go."
Xev kisses the little birdie and lets the balloon loose.
Farley: "Our champions will go after it..."
All the contestants are behind a wooden fence in some kind of a cage.
Farley: "...as soon as they can climb out of their jail. Gentlemen, on your marks."
They throw Stan away and get ready to climb a high adobe wall at one side of the cage.
Farley: "Xev."
Xev grins: "Go!"
And the men start jumping out of the water filled pit and at the wall, climbing some lianes, yelling.
Xev: "Go gogogogogo. hehehe."
Stanley is left ways behind and is not really able to do it. Xev looks annoyed.
Stan: "Stan, here we go. Come on."
But he's always sliding down. The men in the meanwhile run through the jungle, furiously searching for the little birdie. They jump from liane to liane.
After several tries Stanley finally gives up: "Dump rope."
Xev: "The winner of each challenge is granted immunity from the regular 'end of day'-voting, that will eliminate one player from the contest. Soon only one lucky man will be left to satisfy my many needs, - and I his."
"Xev Bellringer - Love Slave" says the letters.

Interview, one man lying on the beach: "Cedric, Mr. Ironman 1999"
Cedric: "I'll win, I'm the best. The other guys are very good, but I am the best. Still - having a wiggled skin bag like Tweedle around. I don't know. It taints things."
"Hank Mr. Australia 2000":
Hank: "Xev and I making out like animals on the first night of love. That will happen. Stanley Tweedle, passing the first two votes. That won't."
Stanley still tries to escape, climb the gates and open the cage, to no use - of course. The assistant arrives and watches him. Then she opens the exit.
Stan: "Thank you."
She points: "That way."
Stan: "Yeah." - And starts running.
All men are in the jungle now.

In the transmission tent, the assistant directing the camera views:
Assistant: "Can you show...?"
High tec activity.
Assistant: "Go back. At camera three."
Farley is singing a meditation song into his cell phone.
From the phone: "That is very good, Farley."
Farley: "It is no use, Mistress Moondream. The chaint is not working. I feel more sick, Mistress, and not less."
Mistress: "You'll energize this grieving, Farley."
Farley: "I not wanna..."
Tec team: "Camera seven. - 7."
His assistant is watching him and he notices.
Farley: "Damn. Me despise them! - So why? Why do I keep feeling this urges? What does the tarots say?"
Mistress: "The cards show many parallele lines for you, Farley."
Farley: "I see. I am like this because of the bad things I have done in the past."
Mistress: "Trust your inner child, Farley."
Farley: "Oh, thank you, Mistress Moondream. - That's really helpful."
And he closes the line and looks like starting to cry.

One guy climbed on a palm tree and finally gets the little nest with tweety birdie.
Guy: "Yes."
Protectively he starts running towards the final, but there is a little branch briusing the birdy out of the nest to the ground. And a carrot waiting for him behind one of the trees. He hears the tweeting, starts searching for the bird, behind dry palm branches.
The red legged thing watches him, waiting for him to bow down, gets behind and finally jumps into his rectum. The guys start screaming like hell.
Stan hears it, approaches it and finds the little birdie - without its nest hopping on the ground.
Stan: "Well. What do you know?"
Stan catches it.

At the beach the guys returned and drinking something now, all exhausted.
Farley: "Listen, it's not like I'm believing, you know, this new wave, hokus-pokus stuff or anythingbut ... I was wondering if you could tell me more about this guy, who you said was like me. You met before, you know, he died."
Xev is holding a coconuts in her hands.
Xev: "Well, first he was Schlemmi and than Fify. Now, it is you."
Farley: "Right, but what was  he like? Like for instants, was he ... ah ... gay?"
Xev: "What is gay?"
Farley: "Gay, you know, gay, like a man who likes other men. In a sexual way - which is not me of course, let's make that perfectly clear. I've gotta 'no trespassing' tattoo on my ass. But it is just this other guy. Like ... I was wondering if he was a little, you know..."
Xev: "Not that I know of."
Farley: "Ah, that's a relief."
Xev: "But he was very sneaky. And he never told the truth ...  and liked to kill people."
Farley not much intested: "Yeah?"
Running towards the group and shouting, Stanley, holding up the bird: "Hey, hey, hey."
Xev: "Nonono!"
Farley to his assistant: "Parole, what's going on? The remote crew recorded that stud 9 won!"
Assistant: "Yeah."
Farley: "Yeah, so? - Go and find him, I want answers!"

Farley pats Stanley on his shoulders: "Heyhehehe. - what you are looking at, everybody, - our wildcard contestant."
Letters: "Stanley H. Tweedle, security guard fourth class"
Farley: "Stanley Tweedle has won our first contest. Well done, Stanley. Go offer you tribute to Xev."
Which is standing upstairs at the cabin, not very pleased.
Stan climbs up the stairs: "Well, yumm-yumm, looks like Stan and Xev go to have a fire down below."
Xev approaches Stan, looks at the little birdie in his hand, takes and just eats it up in one bite. Angry. Spitting out a little bone. And throws it away, then she lets out her lizard scream. - Stanley retreats afraid. Farley is a little bit confused.
Farley to the cameras: "We'll be right back."

In the meantime the moth with Kai on board approaches the headquarter of Dr. Longbore. Crossing deserts in Texas. Some guys are adjusting some tec devices in the great hall of the science team when Kai lands.
Kai leaves the moth.
Longbore in his wheelchair, Tina behind: "What a honor that you return to us, Kai."
Girl approaches him: "I'll say."
Kai: "You have some material you claim as of interest to me."
Longbore: "Right to visit, I admire that. - Tina, please go upstairs and prepare things for our visitor."
Tina: "With pleasure."
Longbore: "The structuring of our space vessle is proceeding well."
Tina turns around and takes a long look at Kai before leaving the room.
Kai: "You are able to receive television broadcasts here. I wish to view a show called 'Xevivor'."
Student in yellow shirt: "Oh, no problem, most of us are completely hooked on it."
And he waves Kai to some TV screens with a lot of students in front of it.
TV: "Next on Xevivor: the vote. (Xev dancing on the screen) Who will be the first to leave the island?"
Letters: "Pierre, Mr. Greater London."
Pierre: "It's a shame that the Tweedle freak is immune. Because he definitely would get my vote. He is an idiot."
Letters: "Nelson, professional wrestler."
Nelson: "It is Tweedle for sure. The dude is pathetic."
Nelson has a really big wooden stick in his hands and seems ready to use it.
Letters: "Willy, male stripper."
Willy: "Tweedle. Even my dad isn't that much of a loser."
Xev on the beach campfire after sunset: "Stanley Tweedle has been trying to get me to ride his '#tower of power' ever since I ran into him. And it has not happened in the last 4000 years, and I am sure it's not gonna happen for the next 4000 either."
And Xev starts dancing for the guys again.

The students of Longbore watching and drolling.

Farley to his assistant: "Still no sign of No. 9? What the hell is going on here?"
Assistant: "I don't know."

790 watches and grins.
Xev is playing with the guys, but throws Stan in the sand. Xev starts dancing with some guys.
Nelson: "Ohhh, uuuuh, yeah!"
Farley: "OK, well, I'm afraid we don't have the combating footage available right at the moment. The first vote has taken place and the tribe has voted off stud number nine. - That is right, Hank is history. - Now it's time for a commercial. Don't go away, we'll be right back."
Xev: "Wait, wait, wait, nobody voted. Nobody voted. Now, I should know because, you know, I would have voted for ..."
She looks at Stan: "Stan. Even if he does have immunity."
Farley: "Look, there is nothing I can do about it now, folks. Hank never returned. Ah, my assistant here informed me that he got cold feet, and he failed. He was last seen ... ah ... stealing a canoe. So let's forget him and follow the night".
More carrots are approaching the beach and watching the group.

Kai is taking a look at some files with photos and documents in.
Tina: "I have something else to show you."
She opens her top.
Kai: "What?"
Tina: "An old film I've found. - please take me... take a seat."
They both are in some kind of movie showing room with several seats. Tina prepares a 8mm-projector, when Kai sits down.
An old black and white movie starts up: "Transylvania - Land of Legend." - an old fashioned train enters in a railway station ...
Narrator: "Placed on the foothills of the Carpatian mountains of Eastern Europe is the acient land of Transylvania. A land set to of all the superstitions of the world's crawled-up within its borders. ... Transylvania is indeed a special place for just that..."
Tina starts removing her glasses and touching Kai.
Narrator: "... stories and legends. Once the metromotical home of vampires..."
the film shows: little villages, a man on horse, farm land.
Narrator: "...modern Transylvania has progressed far beyond its dark and mysterious past. - And now Transylvania has retained a all perfect colon inside Europe, that is all but disappeared, ..."
Tina leans her head on Kai's shoulder and hugs him.
Kai: "What are vampires?"
Narrator: "... It has moved forward. It stays with a modern ceremonies of everyday life."
Tina removing Kai's strain from his face.
Tina: "A type of living dead."
She kisses him on his cheek.
Narrator: "Tourists from around the world move to Transylvania, lodge at the Mables, a three star hotel, to rest in the Rumanien reliefs. But also to enjoy the splendor of the Carpatian mountains. They save romantic prizes on ...."
She kisses him over and over: "I have never given myself to a living man. I always knew it was meant for someone special. You are someone special, Kai."
And she tries to move him to kiss her right on her lips, but he keeps watching the movie. Well, she succeeds. A long kiss. Kai is not resisting but also not really responding.
Narrator: "... on mid-town castle, where mighty men ruled. The better speak of monitary and evil villagers and actual wildness, of tremendious severa of twist hang in Transylvania castle."
The movie showing a castle, and one of the towers, - there is a shape moving.
Narrator: "... once considered backward, Gentlemen. Transylvania is enjoying a 20's century overall. Now chance of your modern suppliers routine and ..."
Now Kai's attention is back. He gets up. Takes a closer look at the shape on the tower ... and suddenly the film burns up.
Kai: "May I view these images again? Picture by picture?"
Tina: "Sure, I can transfer it to the computer. But it'll take awhile."
Kai: "Do you have any more information about vampires?"
He finally turns around to look at her straight. She gets up and hands him a big, old book.

Day two: dawning on the island.
Narrator: "The boys have been divided into teams of 3 for this contest."
Stanley is hanging on a rope, trying to cross a pool of dirty water. He has some white fabrics in his mouth.
Narrator: "And all get immunity if they win. Each team has a pristine piece of Xev laundry, which must remain that way on thread of this qualification. Team members take turns, transporting Xev's underwear over challenging obstacles and the first to lay theirs at Xev's feet takes the day!"
Team members: "Come on, come on, you've got it, come on..."
Stanley gets some instructions from his team members, but he's getting weaker and slower each meter on the line. And finally falls down into the dirty water.
Team member: "Oh no, Tweedle, you idiot."
Stan thinks, he is drowning: "I can't .... Help me, help me."
Team member: "Help yourself, you brew it, Punk. Made us loose her."
And they handshake each other and leave him in the pool.
Stan: "I'm stuck."
Both guys: "Must be a lucky day. - Yeah. -  What's that? What is that noise?"
And they go taking a closer look at the carrot noise.
Stan: "Help, ... fellows? ... Hello?"
The carrot watches the boys.
Boy: "Hey look, there is one of them. - What are they? - It is like a carrot."
Both rectums are getting entered! Screams.
Stan still crawling in the pool: "Guys? ... Guys?... Fellows?... Fellows?"
There is a bloody mess on one trunk of a palm tree.

Stan in one of the cabins, the transmission trailer, wet still: "Can I have a blanket please."
Assistant: "Sure."
And she hurries away.
Tec team: "Carrots. Right out of their mouths."

Farley on his cell phone: "Two more guys over. I'm getting all nervous here. - And those missing ones were really great guys!"

Oliver in his conference room: "I know it's a little messy up there, Farley. But as long as the ratings keep going up, who gives a rat's crapper? And the ratings are going up. Let me tell you. Phones, faxes, e-mails by the truckloads. The finest of all ages."
Farley: "Of course, I am a genius. But it is not just the studs anymore, Oli. A couple of the crew've gone missing, too."
Oliver, which gets a very intimate new tattoo on his belly: "Unreliable union bastards! You are king of the universe, Farley, don't let me down now."
Oliver hangs up.

Farley getting nervous, approaches Stanley.
Farley: "Hey, you know, like, when you got to knew me before. Not that I believe, that you did. Ah. Was I like ah, you know, was I like ah ... gay?"
Stan: "Gay?"
Farley: "Gay. Gay. You know, like did I liked men? In a sexual way?"
Stan: "No."
Farley seems very releaved: "Oh, good."
Stan: "Why? Do you now?"
That does it. Farley leaves the tent in panic.

Xevivor voting ballot, the list with all the names on it:
Farley: "OK everybody. It is voting time. Nelsons and Valentino haven't returned from the field yet, so they missed the ballot. Trousers-snag-team, you are immute, everybody else is fair game. - So, voting booth is RIGHT over here, gentlemen. - So let's go."
He points at a wooden box.
Stanley has all the other guys against him and is the last in the line of the voters. The assistant gives all of them a piece of paper with names on it. And of course all of them make little holes at the name of Stanley. Xev cannot read the names but she can read the digits. Stan is Nr. 4.

790 on the bridge: "Not so fast, hussey pants."
And he messes up with the electrical voting box. The printer pukes out the results.

Farley: "The vote is a tight between Nelson and Valentino. The two studs who have yet to return. So they are eliminated from the contest."
And big growling starts within the group against Stanley, who grins.
Guy: "Oh, come on, I don't believe this stuff."

On the campfire, an interview:
Guy: "I punched my ballot ticket for Stanley Tweedle. ******peep**** voted for him. *** peep ***he is a ******peep**** up dumping."
Other guy: "*****peep**** ******peep**** if he comes anyway near me I wonna kick his ******peep**** "
Guy: "If he thinks he is welcome in the man's camp anymore, he's got another thing coming. I really hate his guts."
Other guy: "I can't believe how this tosser's going on ******peep**** whine cut, tosser. I******peep**** hate him."
Xev: "I did not come to this island to sleep with Stanley Tweedle. So somebody somewhere better see to it, that he didn't win, understand?"

790 on the bridge watching Xev: "Sorry, a deal is a deal. Hahahahaha."

Kai at Longbore's headquarter, reading the old book at the projection room: "Immortal Lord of the night, Lord of death, killer of men, drinker of blood. Of this Earth or somewhere beyond."
The science boy in the yellow sweatshirt connects the computer system on the film projector. He's done now.
Boy: "All yours. I also set it up so that the images will run simultaneously through the computer. You can print frames, magnify, whatever."
Kai closes the book and starts watching the film of Transylvania on the laptop monitor again. The boy leaves.
Tina: "Let me get the last."
She hands the projector and turns off the light. - And she steps forward to the movie screen and starts removing her clothes.
The film starts again: "Transylvania, Land of Legend ..."
Tina: "I've held out my whole life for you. I wanna do everything."
She opens her blouses, her hair ... takes Kai's hand and puts it on her breasts..
Tina: "I don't know much about vampires, and I don't much care. But you can suck my blood, if you want."
And she climbs on his lap.
Kai: "The dead do not normally suck blood."
Tina: "Then leave it to the women."
And she leans over him, as if she wants to suck his neck. But he just removes her from his sight on the screen.
Film narrator: "And now modern Transylvania is re-known for ist state-of-the-art agriculture."
You see a man with a scythe working on the crop. It is a really old movie!

In the camp of the Xevivior combatants ... all sleep peacefully on a wooden platform, only Stan - he is crawling underneath it.
Guy: "Get your asses off. Come on. - Come on, get up!"
Suddenly they are all up and throwing sand on Stanley's resting place.
Guy: "What were you doing to him, Tweedle?"
Stan: "Who? What are you talking about?"
Guy: "Jacques, man. Last night he slept in the cabin and this morning the only thing left was this."
They show him his T-shirts and shorts.
Stan: "I don't know anything about that."
The other guys don't believe him and grab him, pull him out from underneath the wooden platform.
Stan afraid: "Look, besides you guys kept me out of the camp, remember?"
Guy: "I hope you like this island, Tweedle. It's where you're gonna die."
And they throw him back into the sand.
Stan: "Oh, is a roll in the sack with Xev worth all this grief? ... (convinced) - Yeah!"

Back at projection room, Kai prints one of the closer views on the tower of the castle in Transylvania. Tina is still sitting on his lap, kissing his neck. But Kai doesn't care. He just keeps printing. And she keeps kissing. Finally he gets up.
Kai: "There, I am interested in this figure."
(The shape on the tower, closer view.)
Tina: "Not mine?"
Kai: "Of this Earth or somewhere beyond."
Tina still furiously kissing him: "Forget about all that, Kai. Can't you just stick into me, please?"
790 is watching this scene by a little computer camera on top of the laptop. Tina is giving him a big kiss on his lips.
790 logs himself into the computer and opens a little window with his face on it.
790: "Aha! - Kai, get away from her. Murder the tramp."
Kai: "I will not do that, 790."
790: "Kai?"
Kai: "Yes?"
790: "I have a confession to make."
Kai: "What?"
790: "I made a deal with Prince to get Xev on the survivor show and fixed it so that Stan would be on the island with her."
Kai: "Yes."
790: "And I also fixed it so that the show took place on sigue-sigue island."
Now Kai is really interested and knees down in front of the computer, totally ignoring Tina.
Kai: "Why?"
790: "Because Sigue-sigue island is infected with alien probes. And I wanted Stan and Xev to be dead, so that I can have you all for myself without anyone else!"
Tina is trying to massage Kai's shoulders.
Kai: "What type of alien probes?"
790: "I don't know. Evil ones. They've come to this planet to find if it tastes good, and transmitting the results back to some mothership off in space somewhere. Who cares as long as they kill Stan and Xev!"
Kai leaves Tina.
Tina to 790: "You are awfull."
790: "Just re-digging my interests, bitch."
Tina closer the laptop. And the printer prints out: the castle and the figure on top of the tower.

Day 3. "Once again our contestants are broken up into two groups. The objective: take out as many of the other teams as you can with your paint guns, capture their flag and return to Xev."
Stan and his team pal with paint-guns in the jungle. But Stan's very own team member shoots him with his gun into the back.
Stan yelling: "Ah, what you do that for?"
Guy: "Because I felt like it."
Stan: "But we are on the same team."
Guy: "Hey, hey Nelson."
Nelson is standing in front of a tree, but his cloths and pants look very torn - with the back to his pals.
Guy approaching: "Hey Nelson, where have you been, man? Raged you fled the island. Hey, Nelson."
Nelson turns around, he is covered from head to toes in blood and moving like a mechanical doll.
Guy: "You don't look so good, man."
And suddenly Nelson wrangles the guy. Stan watches. Until the guy is dead. Then Nelson approaches Stan. Stan fires with his paint gun. But Nelson keeps approaching. Stan runs for his life.

At Longbore's: the science boys are still watching the show. When Kai approaches in a hurry.
Kai: "Put me through to 790."
The yellow boy does.
790: "You rang, dead doll?"
Kai: "790, patch me into all the monitors you can on the island, immediately."

Stan is still running and other of his pals get infected by carrots while he watches.
Kai through one of the speakers on the island: "Stan. - Xev. - You are in danger."
Stan: "Yeah, like I didn't know that."
Several of his pals are moving mechanically now and approaching Stan.
Xev on the beach listening to Kai on the speakers: "Stan, Xev, for your own safety. Leave the island now."
And Xev starts running.
Kai: "Everyone should leave the island now."
Xev enters the cabin and tries to warn the crew: "Did you hear that voice? We all have to ... no."
But there's only a very bloody mess of the stylists left in the cabin.

At Longbore's, Kai heading for his moth.
Tina: "Take me with you."
Kai: "I will not."
Tina: "Here."
And she hands him the prints of the castle and the figure from the film. Kai finally seems very interested. And grabs the prints.
Tina: "Promise, you'll come back?"
But he just leaves without a word - towards the moth. Tina's heart is broken.
Tina: "I'll wait for you."
Kai closes the moth door, he grins slightly and takes off. She waves after him. The moth leaves through some faltering top windows.

Farley on his cell phone in the transmission tent watching the monitors: "We are seeing it on the remote cameras - all over the island. Death, mutilation, people being turned into this cyborg killer things. And this little walking carrots."
Oliver, ready to get the fat/grease sucked out of his belly - on the conference table: "The whole world is watching, Farley. And I mean, the whole world. 24 / 7. It's a phenomenon. And we are in concern for you. But all, baby, don't worry ... We are taking care of you. With incruised to show's laibility-insurance, we will be over the big bubble relatives ... and all the mocks are sitting home watching the sun get turn into carott salad on prime time. The show goes on, Farley. Kissy kisses."

Farley shocked: "Oliver, Oliver! Damned."

Xev running on the beach, into the tec tent, where one guy is just leaving. Running. She enters.
Xev: "Ah."
Farley: "Hey, you know why this is happening to me. Because of you."
Xev: "What?"
Farley: "Yeah. It is your fault. I am not bad. You made me this way into one of my past lives, now I am paying for it."
He grabs Xev.
Farley: "Isn't it enough, that I am ... conflicted inside?"
Xev: "Can't you just stop talking for a moment?"
Farley: "Oh, shut up!"
But there is a carrot approaching and they both see it. They retreat. The carrots enter the tent from all sides, crawl over the monitors.
Farley runs: "I am... I am not gay!"
Xev: "It won't help."
She leaves the tent also. And runs through the jungle. Stanley too. The carrots are close, you can hear them all around them.

And Kai on his moth is searching for the island.

Xev tries to hide behind a bush, and Stan behind some roots.

790 trying to reach the island by transmission: "Juhu, calling all probes! The man and woman you are looking for are located on any monitor."
The probes really get excited by seeing Xev and Stan on the TV screens. No hiding place is really hiding from all the cameras out there.
790 over the speakers: "Juhu, drones. Stanley Tweedle and Xev Bellringer are observed by cameras located everywhere."
And finally Xev and Stan also notice the cameras with the red blinking signal at their hiding places. And they start running again.
Stan encounters one of his old pals. But can avoid the clumsy man. He reaches one of the obstacles that he failed earlier on the second day. But now the rope over the pool is no problem at all. On the other side, that he just left, all the zombie pals are approaching.
But the carrots and the pals can cross the thing as well.
A camera on the floor, Stan kneels down, into the camera's view: "I am really scared now." (Persiflage on the 'Blair Witch Project'!)
Some probes are still watching screens at the monitoring room. Stan exhausted now, approaches Farley from behind, still on the cell phone.
Farley: "I don't know what the hell I am paying you for? Will you stop telling me that? I can't help myself, I can't."
Stan: "Hey you, host guy."
Farley: "The urges are going stronger."
Stan: "How do we get off this island?"
Farley: "I also have all the urges now!"
Stanley turns Farley around and sees he's covered in blood! He is also infected! And suddenly there is a third eye appearing on his forehead. He grins at Stan.
Farley: "Hello handsome, I wanna taste your meat!"
Stan runs.
Farley: "I'll be gentle."
And Farley gets after Stan.

Finally Stan falls down into the pit-cage from the first day again. Falling backward into the water. Carrots and zombies approaching from all sides.
Stan screams: "Oh, nono, ah! - somebody help! - Help!"
Zombies can't get through the cage rods.
Xev in the jungle hears him.
Stan: "Help, help! Somebody. HELP!."
She stops and then suddenly turns into her lizard rolling style. She rolls over some carrots on her way and opens the gate for Stan.
Stan: "Oh, I really love you, I think."
Xev: "Let's go, Stanley."
Stan: "My leg, I think I twisted it."
Xev: "Come on, we don't have much time. Is the moth nearby?"
Stan: "Yeah."
Xev: "So is mine. We have to reach one of them."
Stan: "Good plan."
And the zombies are walking after them.

The science guys at Longbore's are clenched to the TV monitors and taking bids, of the outcome.
Woman: "I put my ... Two one in one ... two one..."
Remote Cam #17 - Jungle Path shows them running, Xev holding Stan ...

Stan and Xev hurrying through the jungle, watched by 1000 cameras and the whole world.
Oliver: "Hot damned race. Who needs the Super Bowl?"
All the guys around him laugh.

They are reaching the remains of one moth.
Xev breathless: "Look, the creatures destroyed the moth."
Stan: "Oh, right. We are dead."
Carrots are approaching from all sides.
Xev: "We should try to reach the beach. Our only hope is to swim for it."
Stan: "I can't swim."
Xev: "I can. I think. This way."
And they hurry on again.

Kai is still on the open water over the sea.
Kai: "790. How long until I reach sigue-sigue island?"
790 on the moth screen: "Approximately one hour, my perfect pulseless one."
Kai: "And how long do you estimate Xev and Stanley can remain alive?"
790: "Less than that. Oh marvel of rigor mortis, you can't save them, but you can save me."
Kai switches off.

On the beach, the zombies approaching. Xev and Stan retreating to the shore, into the waves. In the background there is a boat on the waves.
Stan: "There is nowhere left to go."
Xev: "Then we'll die, Stan."
Stan: "Well, I know, Xev, I said it before. Hope I get a chance to say it again, but I doubt it: it was nice knowing you, Xev."
Xev: "You too."
Farley - still with the third eye, behind him his assistant: "Bad boat, bad boat. Bad boat, bad boat."
All the guys echoing: "Bad boat, bad boat."
Xev and Stan turn around and finally see the boat only about 500 meters off the beach.
The couple onboard is preparing a little carrot salad or juice and throwing carrots into the mixer.

On the beach:
Farle: "Bad boat, bad boat. Bad boat, bad boat."
All the guys echoing: "Bad boat, bad boat."
They all go after the boat instead of Xev and Stan, passing them and entering the waves. The carrots just jump in.

On the boat woman pointing up: "Oh, look over there."
Kai's moth is flying over them.
Woman: "What is that?"
And now they finally notice that there is a shower of carrots jumping on the boat. They scream.

Kai looks down and sees the tragedy. But he is heading for the beach and landing the moth on the sand. Xev and Stan are really relieves now. Kai opens the door and watches them running towards him.
The moth leaves into the beautiful sunset.

In the moth, rather crowded inside.
Xev: "Thanks for rescuing us, Kai."
Kai: "I am interested in visiting an area of the European continent called Transylvania."
Xev: "Why?"
Kai: "There may be someone there that fate would have me meet."
(Well, well - fate again ... he is not in controll of what he has to do ... what others decide FOR him, greater powers or whatever ... this season is all about such greater powers, kings, rulers and how they manipulate everything and everybody ... till the end of time ... or till one finds another way OUT.)
Stan: "Transylvania, hah? Well, that is fine by me. It can't be any worse than where we just came from, can it?"
Xev grins. Kai doesn't.
Stan to Kai: "Can it?"
Kai isn't saying anything but he is moving his head sideway ... 
And Stan and Xev finally start to worry!